Gus has reworked the rate card, and I am required to read it to you slowly. Standard parcels under 5 pounds ship for $6.40. Heavy parcels, 5 to 40 pounds, are $14.75 plus a surcharge called the Grumble Fee, which covers the driver’s opinions.
Treats and edibles are now priced per mouthful, not per pound. This is because weight kept going missing between pickup and delivery, and it turns out the driver was the scale. A mouthful is defined by the Mouthful Committee as whatever fits in Pickles’ mouth. Do not argue with Pickles.
New rates take effect the first of next month. Ask for the laminated card.
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