Category: Incident Reports

For the record, three parcels were detained at the window sill on Saturday evening. The Customs office, which is one orange tabby named Admiral Pounce, would not release them until a toll was paid. The toll was a head scratch. We paid it.

The Admiral then asked for a second toll, on the grounds that the first scratch was ‘rushed.’ Doreen negotiated a lower fee of one chin rub, and the boxes were cleared at 8:41 that night.

If you are sending packages to the window sill district, expect delays. The Admiral is thorough and he is very, very patient. He has all the time in the world and a sunbeam.

On the 14th a crate of fresh salmon, 60 pounds, destined for the Seafood Emporium, was misrouted to the Yarn Exchange. By the time we found it, the salmon had been missing for nine minutes. Nine. The record for a lost fish at this company is four.

Here is the timeline. Biscuit loaded the crate. Biscuit remembers loading the crate. Biscuit does not remember anything between loading the crate and a later moment when he was lying down looking very satisfied. The crate was found empty, which is a form of delivery, if you squint.

The customer was refunded $240. Biscuit has been moved to textiles.