Category: Claims Desk

Our cargo policy covers fire, theft, flood, and what the underwriters call an Act of Dog. This is any damage caused by a canine, directly or by implication. We have filed 22 such claims this year.

For example: a dog barks, the driver jumps, the parcel falls. Act of Dog. A dog is seen at a distance and the driver takes a detour into a ditch. Act of Dog. A dog is not present at all, but the driver thought he heard one. Pending, but leaning toward Act of Dog.

The deductible is $150. Gus will personally review every claim, usually while eating. Allow four to six weeks.

The back shelf at Dock 4 is overflowing again, so here is the current inventory. One left boot. Seven bottle caps. A bag of catnip that is, by weight, 85 percent evidence. A framed photograph of a different cat doing a better job than us. One wedding ring, which we are holding with care.

If any of this is yours, come down and describe it. If it is not yours but you want it, say so, and we will charge you a storage fee of $3 a day.

Unclaimed items go to auction on the first of October. The boot has already got a bidder.

This month’s winner wrote us, and I quote the gist: ‘My package arrived with a hole in it.’ We investigated. The package was a donut box. It contained one donut. The hole, sir, is the donut.

We have refunded the delivery fee out of pity, plus a coupon for $2 off your next shipment. Runners up include the woman who said her parcel was ‘too fast’ and the man who wanted to know why the truck was shaped like a truck.

The Claims Desk is open Tuesday and Thursday. Bring a pen. The last pen we had was knocked behind the filing cabinet in 2022.